Short Stories

Here’s a collection of funny anecdotes from my time here...

Let's see the change:

Having paid the bill for a meal, we await the change, only to find that not enough was returned. On pointing this out to the waitress (who doesn’t even bat an eyelid), she promptly returns with the right change, stating “My apologies, but the cashier has a problem with her eyes and can’t see”.

Know your menu:

At our local (very local) haunt at the end of our road, we order meals from the menu – 4 chickens with salad and one spaghetti bolognaise. After a 20 minute interval the waiter returns to inform us there is no salad. “No problem, we’ll take the green beans”.

“And for the bolognaise?” he asks.

“Er… don’t worry, no salad” comes the reply.

“So, just the sauce?”

“Er…no, with spaghetti”.

“Ah yes of course.” The waiter hovers, with a puzzled expression. “Excuse me, but what is a spaghetti bolognaise?”

“I’ll take the chicken.”

Listed on a menu:

Mango ice cream:            without cigarette: 2,000FCFA

                                       with cigarette: 2,800FCFA

From the same menu:

Accompaniments:

Rice

Beans

Tagliatelle (rice and beans)

A kind notice from a hotel bathroom:

   

Well, the message is clear anyway...



And also a quick collection of scam stories from people in the streets:

One which is actually quite feasible:

Ah! Hello! How are you? You don’t recognise me? I’m Theo, from immigration, we met at the airport! Let me guess, you’re still getting your visa finalised yes? I can help, make it happen very quick! Just for a small fee… What? Without my help, it will never happen. I can stop you getting this. I can make it very difficult for you, I know the minister….

One to be rewarded for the sheer commitment:

Ah! Hello! How are you? You don’t recognise me? I’m Theo, from immigration, I stamped your passport! Yes, good to see you again!

Pause one week. Move to another random street in town.

Ah, hi again! How’s the family? Yes, great, mine too, all very well. How’s your stay in Benin? Yes, lovely isn’t it. Anyway, must fly, bye!

Pause one week. Move to another random street in town.

Ah, hello again! Isn’t it funny how we keep seeing each other! How’s the family? Yes, all good thanks, and the stay in Benin? Yes, it is very hot. Actually, now that I see you, my old friend, I have a bit of a favour to ask…..

One with some impressive research:

Hi there, how are you? Are you enjoying your stay in Benin? Yes, it is very beautiful! Where are you from? Ah, Geneva? I know Geneva, I have a brother there! Yes, just next to Carrouge, around the corner from the university. Yes, you see the bar “les deux lions”, his house is next to that one! He works at the university as a researcher. Yes, small world indeed!

Actually, since you are from Geneva, I was hoping you could help me – I have a flight booked for there in two days, but they have changed the flight time. I need to call my brother to get confirmation from him, but I have no credit. Could you possibly lend me 5,000FCFA to make the call – I’ll pay you back next time I see you, and bring you back some Gruyere from Geneva!

And finally, the RSC (Benin chapter):

(Bursts into tears) Oh, sir, please, sir, I need some help! My wife is in labour! But she needs a caesarean, and I don’t have the money for the blood transfusion… They cost 25,000FCFA each – you see I have enough for one here (shows the money) but I need a second or she will lose the baby! Please sir! (reply "no" – the man stops crying immediately, shrugs, and says “y’a pas de soucis” – no worries. Another white man walks by. The waterworks begin again…).

Rockin' it Africa style

Word of advice...

Right, that’s about it, apart from a hot tip if you ever come to Benin: “On se tiend”, although it literally means “let’s hold each other”, here it means “let’s stay in touch”.

DO NOT go in for the full body hug. It gets very awkward…